Consciousness and Tolerance

by Janet Nash, MSW, LISW-S, RYT-200

This essay is an observation of a particular human behavior of desiring to be right and presenting one’s beliefs as Absolute Truth at the expense of the Other. The question is, will we ever learn?

I had the experience as a young adult of learning that my dear friend’s father, a Baptist minister, believed I was going to hell because I was Catholic and was not “saved.” He didn’t even consider me Christian. That started my exploration of religions. For me, anything that seems to demand strict adherence to orthodox doctrines feels unsettling based on my experience with the fundamentalism of my friend’s father.

I grew up Catholic, had a Catholic education through graduate school, and remained Catholic well into my 40s. I was devout for quite some time. When I was younger I explored other Christian religions and read quite extensively on Catholic, as well as other Christian denominations’, dogma, apologetics, mysticism, and spirituality. After we began hearing about the widespread sexual abuse of children by priests, I felt incredibly betrayed by Catholicism, so I left partly because of that and partly because I didn’t agree with several of Catholicism’s primary precepts. Nonetheless, I continued my exploration of spirituality which brought me to Buddhism, and ultimately, yoga. I’m grateful for this series of events, because I feel that my spirituality has expanded tenfold when I went beyond what I believe are the limits of the Catholic faith.

This may sound very strange, and you may disagree with me, but that’s okay. It seems to me—or at least for me—a religious belief system, or any belief system, for that matter, can become stifling and may be one’s worst enemy because I’m not sure we should have total faith in our beliefs. We can become complacent and feel safe in our beliefs. For me, it is too constricting. In my opinion, the path to awareness or consciousness happens when our beliefs are open to our own inquiry. I also worry that when our beliefs are contained in a closed system, we begin to be intolerant of, and threatened by, other belief systems.

I see this phenomenon in Buddhism with its many sects. And in yoga, too. Do you follow a lineage like Sivananda or are you a devotee of Krishnamacharya? This phenomenon is surely true of Muslim extremism and Jewish Zionism, as well. And for me, it’s very disillusioning to say that it’s true in psychology, too, where psychodynamic therapists and behaviorists disagree vehemently about effective psychotherapeutic treatment and attempt to invalidate the other. We all want to be right.

In a macro context, this kind of intolerance and extremism is evident in the nightly news as we watch conflicts between countries throughout the world. Wars are waged in the name of religion, ethnic cleansing, and every kind of extremism. Intolerance is most evident in our country’s political landscape more so today than ever before. And, we cannot forget our country’s long history of racism and sexism.

The underlying issue is that we want to protect our core beliefs and feel threatened and vulnerable when someone or some other country has an ideology that is too different from our own. As author and vulnerability researcher, Brene’ Brown, states, “When we spend our life pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism.”

In her TED talk, Brene’ Brown points out that as a species, we attempt to make everything that is uncertain certain. “I’m right. You’re wrong. Shut up.” “The more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are,” she says. Discourse and conversation fades and all that’s left is blame. In her research, blame is defined as “a way to discharge pain and discomfort.”

So what is the answer? Am I advocating for anarchy? Should we believe in anything? I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t have our own beliefs with regard to religion, politics, psychology, or anything else. Having beliefs and values are a very important aspect of our lives. They provide direction and motivation. But, perhaps we should hold our beliefs and values lightly and work toward constructing a sense of vulnerability, openness, and tolerance.

Vulnerability, according to Ms. Brown, is not weakness. Vulnerability, as described in her research, is “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Making ourselves vulnerable takes willingness, courage, compassion, and connection with others. Vulnerability helps us to see, really see, our shared human experience, and allows us to live our own authentic life.

Lastly, Ms. Brown says, “When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability, we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be. Experiencing vulnerability isn’t a choice—the only choice we have is how we’re going to respond when we are confronted with uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”

The Light and Grace in me sees and honors the Light and Grace in you.